Like so many people, I often struggle with feeling valuable, particularly when navigating any number of dark valleys in life. Sometimes we struggle with self-worth because of something we have done or experienced. Maybe we lost a job or made a terrible, costly decision. Other times, the struggle is because of how someone else has treated us. If someone else treats me as worthless, then I might decide that I am worthless. Maybe our self-worth takes a hit when we look around and compare ourselves to someone else. There is always someone who is better at what we do or whose life appears to be easier or more perfect. One of Jesus’ most familiar parables portrays this issue of self-worth – the story of the prodigal son, as recorded in Luke 15.
As you may recall, the younger son in this story demanded his inheritance early and left home to enjoy his newfound wealth and importance. He likely felt loved and important as he entertained his friends by footing the bill for what the text calls “wild living” (Luke 15:13 NLT). His self-worth was riding high, but it was not based on reality, so it plummeted on the day he ran out of money. When the money dried up, so did the company and praise of his friends and his own sense of self-worth.
He ended up working on a pig farm where it was his job to slop the hogs. His living situation was so bad that he grew jealous of the pigs’ abundance of available food. He quickly went from living high on the hog and thinking a great deal of himself to wallowing in the mud alongside the hogs, feeling completely worthless. He firmly believed that his father no longer loved him, valued him, or considered him to be part of the family.
When the boy “finally came to his senses” (Luke 15:17), he decided to go home, but as a slave rather than a son because he felt unworthy of being part of the family. Imagine his surprise when his father didn’t welcome him as a lowly slave but celebrated him as an honored part of the family. In a sense, the boy did not truly come to his senses until he was able to process the meaning of his father’s embrace, gifts, and celebratory feast. His decision to leave the pigsty and return home was a big step in his life, but he did not anticipate that his father could love him unconditionally and deem him to be of inestimable worth. Can you imagine his profound gratitude as he began to recognize the depths of his father’s love, mercy, generosity, and acceptance? I imagine that it wasn’t until after the party ended and the boy began to reflect on the meaning of the day’s events that he began to understand that his self-worth wasn’t tied up in his personal wealth, how many friends he had, or his abilities. His true worth was based upon his identity as the beloved son of the father.
Perhaps your self-worth has plummeted due to your own actions and you have found yourself in the pigsty of guilt and shame, or perhaps your self-worth has declined because you listen to what others are saying about you rather than what your father says about you. Our heavenly father has no favorites based on appearance, abilities, vocation, nationality, race, or gender. The father loves every single one of his children because they are his and they bear his image. Sometimes this fact is hard to hear if you are accustomed to listening to the other voices that say you are not good enough or valuable enough. But if you are on the road back to the father’s house, know that you will see him running to embrace you, to clothe you, and to celebrate you because the father sees you, loves you, and values you.
There is also another, often neglected side to this issue, and that is the story of the older son. He also struggled with the concept of human dignity and worth in the eyes of the father but from the opposite direction. He seemed to have no problem with his own self-worth. He was confident of his place in the family and in his value to the father – perhaps a bit overconfident.
When he saw the father’s love and value for the younger brother, who had insulted their father, taken his money, and wasted it, the older brother grew indignant. When he witnessed the father welcoming this worthless brother of his back into the family with open arms, he lost it. He seemed to perceive the father’s love and perceived value in the younger brother as a threat to his own value and place in the family. He refuses to acknowledge his own brother, and he questions the father’s judgment. “How can you welcome this worthless son of yours back into this family? Why would you waste any more resources on him? He’s trash. Send him back to the pigpen. Don’t you realize that I am the only son of value to you?!” The older brother does not struggle to see his own worth in the father’s eyes; he struggles to see his brother’s worth.
Maybe, rather than struggling with your own self-worth like the younger brother, you are more like the older brother. You are confident in your own worth, but you often devalue others who are not like you. Humans often divide themselves into groups of “us vs them,” and then we develop hierarchies based on the belief that “us” is better or more valuable than “them,” whoever “them” is to us. We might do this based on political, denominational, intellectual, gender, racial, nationality, or other more subtle lines. Why do we tend to develop attitudes of superiority where none should exist? Different doesn’t have to mean better or worse. You were created in the image of God, and you are of inestimable worth in God’s eyes.
“There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Gal 3:28 NLT).
To learn more about our value in God’s eyes, particularly as it applies to women’s voices in the church, see my new book, Valued by God, available at Amazon, wipfandstock.com, barnesandnoble.com, and bookshop.org. If you are in the Indianapolis area, we have signed copies available.